Monday, 4 April 2016

Foodfight! (2012)

The next time you make a bad decision, take comfort from this fact: unless you are Lawrence Kasanoff, you did not spend 13 years and $45 million on this misconceived, malformed mess of a movie.

I imagine that Foodfight! is what you might get if you decided to mash together Toy Story and Yellow Submarine ... and then hired Rob Schneider to write and animate it.  Insulting ethnic stereotypes? Check.  Double-entendres so crude they don't really merit the word 'double'?  Check.  Lazy pastiches of far, far better movies?  Check and check again.

Obviously this is not a good film.  In point of fact, it's a terrible one.  A movie so bad that as you watch it you genuinely find yourself wondering "How did this happen?  How did a group of professionals spend year after year working on this drek and not see how awful it is?".

But then, at least for some people, there comes a point in the picture where some kind of Stockholm Syndrome sets in - probably around the ketchup artillery scene - and you can almost see how the film-makers deluded themselves about their project.  You can almost see the satirical edge they were going for; almost see the madcap energy they were trying to capture.

The key word there of course is "almost".  You don't actually see any of these things because the movie fails to deliver them.  Just like it fails to deliver funny jokes, characters who aren't animated like they're having a seizure, or a heroine who doesn't have cold, dead eyes.

The plot?  Oh, it's some malarkey about marketing icons of various well known brands (or more accurately - and ironically, given the plot - thinly veiled pastiches of same) fighting off  the evil Brand X when it tries to take over their supermarket.  Trust me, you'll be far too busy coping with the Nazi iconography, wildly inappropriate-for-the-target-audience content, and bizarre physical tics of the characters to care about the plot any more than the film-makers did.

Wildly, stupendously awful.

Forty-five million dollars.

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