Saturday, 19 October 2013

Adventures of a Teenage Dragonslayer (2010)

Sometimes, the best thing about a movie is its title.

Adventures of a Teenage Dragonslayer begins with its finale, then flashes back to the start of things. The last time I saw a film do something like this, it was the Josh Kirby ... Time Warrior! series, and trust me, that's not somewhere to be getting your film-making cues.

Once the movie proper starts, we meet our protagonists playing in the sewers.  They run into the local bully squad, and we get one of the most cringingly bad attempts at writing high school kids that I've ever seen, delivered by a cast whose acting is more or less on a par with the quality of the dialogue.  It was enough to drive my flatmate from the room, all by itself.

But I stuck it out, since I wasn't getting back the five bucks this stinker cost me.  The plot - when it isn't being diverted by such hilarity as the phonemic similarity of the words Bart, butt and fart - revolves around an ancient battle between two dragons, one good and one evil.  For reasons too stupid to explain, the mechanics of this battle are being accurately depicted in a collectable card game.  The favorite card game of our protagonist, as it happens (shocking, I know).

I could tell you more, but honestly this movie has already taken more of my life than it deserves.  Its only marginally entertaining moments are when Wendie Malick is hamming it up as the evil vice principal.

One to avoid.  Even for five bucks.

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