Friday, 27 January 2017
Abraham Lincoln vs Zombies (2012)
At the age of 10, Abraham Lincoln sees his mother succumb to the zombie virus and his father commit suicide. So young Abe takes up the family scythe, decapitates mom, and helps the people of his hometown defeat the undead scourge.
Somewhat over forty years later, in the aftermath of the Battle of Gettysburg, the now President of the United States learns that a Union attempt to capture a vital Confederate fort has failed. Only one of the 30 men dispatched returned alive, and he turns into a ravening zombie while giving the President his report.
Believing that the undead plague is an even more vital threat to the Union than the Civil War, and that only someone with his personal experience of zombies can lead the operation to destroy it, Abraham Lincoln once more takes up his trusty scythe ...
So this bit of schlock is an Asylum mockbuster of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, and like most such films, it's terrible. But even in the cesspool of Asylum mockbusters, there are varying depths of awfulness. And measured purely in those terms, I'd have to say that this particular movie at least manages to be one of the turds floating at the top of the pool.
You see, if one can overlook the low quality of the majority of the acting; and the cheapness of the costumes and sets; and the lack of action in the so-called action scenes; and the trite and repetitive script, there are three entertaining things in this film. Which is frankly at least two more things than the average Asylum mockbuster.
The first thing is the film's sublime disregard for history. Stonewall Jackson was dead by the time the film is set but that doesn't stop him meeting Honest Abe in this. Teddy Roosevelt was five at the time of these supposed events; he turns up as well, looking at least 10. And apparently John Wilkes Booth wasn't just touring the country as an actor at this time, he was also a Confederate double agent working in the President's secret service.
The second thing is a howlingly silly scene where future president Teddy Roosevelt snipes zombies with a rifle, while perched on current president Abraham Lincoln's shoulders.
Now you'll notice that neither of those entertaining things were about being good. The third thing is the odd one out in that respect. Frankly, it's the odd thing out in every Asylum film I've ever seen, since any entertainment value they usually offer has nothing to do with quality. You see, Bill Oberst Jr's portrayal of Abraham Lincoln is actually a pretty solid one. He looks, frankly, like he's in a completely different class to the rest of the cast (that class being "competent"). It's not enough to save the film from being rubbish, of course, any more than the other two items were, but Oberst deserves credit for his efforts nonetheless.