Friday, 20 February 2015
The Dallas Connection (1994)
This is the second and last of the not-really-Andy-Sidaris films in the Andy Sidaris collection, being once again written and directed by his son. It's reasonably significant in the set though because it's the point where the '90s ladies' start coming together as a group. In his early films, Sidaris had a fairly regular group of leading women: you could expect to see Dona Speir, Cynthia Brimhall, and either Hope Marie Carlton or Roberta Vasquez. Fit to Kill was the last time we saw any of them.
Julie Strain debuted in that film, and she's the only consistent female lead across it, Enemy Gold, and today's entry. In The Dallas Connection, however, she is joined by Julie K. Smith. Together with Shae Marks, who'll show up next movie, they'll be the new core around which the remaining films will be structured.
Strain plays 'Black Widow', an international assassin whose trademark is to have sex with her victims before killing them. Smith plays a member of Widow's gang named 'Cobra'. The rest of the team are 'Scorpion', and 'Platypus', the latter of whom is the only guy on the team and who was clearly late to work on the day code-names were being handed out.
At the start of the film, Widow and her team kill three scientists (one of whom has the worst attempt at a South African accent ever committed to film). Federal agents are immediately assigned to protect a fourth scientist, who was working with the first three on a secret project.
Alas, (a) the man they're guarding is secretly Widow's employer, and (b) they're kind of bad at their jobs. Especially the lone female agent, who gets repeatedly punked out by the bad guys. To be fair, the male agents get made to look like punks at times too, but not as often or as trivially.
Fortunately, the good guys do have one or two aces up their sleeves - one of which leads to the second funniest scene involving a blow-up doll in any Sidaris film ever - and a whole lot of luck as well, so they're going to save the day despite their ineptitude.
There's a fair bit of unintentional humour here, as well as some moments where they deliberately seem to be trying (not always successfully) for a laugh, so this film is not entirely without entertainment value, but it's still very much a movie where naked ladies are the principal reason for watching.