Friday, 13 February 2015

Enemy Gold (1993)

The ninth Andy Sidaris film is not an Andy Sidaris film at all.  Instead, it's written and directed by his son, Christian Drew Sidaris.  Don't expect that to mean that anything has changed, however.  It's still going to stick to the formula of goofy secret agent stories as a flimsy excuse for busty women taking their tops off.  Heck, it's going to stick so close to that formula that it flat-out recycles a couple of bits of dialogue from earlier movies in the series.

It also appears that Sidaris Jr has inherited his father's smooth-talking ways:

"What's up?"
"I am."

Romantic dialogue for the ages, that.

The film starts in the Civil War (clearly footage of a local reenactment group) and some Union gold being stolen and hidden by Confederate forces, who all die before they can tell anyone else the location of the loot.

In the modern day, three government agents bust a cocaine smuggling ring.  They then get chewed out by their boss for entering the property without a warrant and starting a gunfight.  That whole "you didn't have a warrant" thing is probably a reasonable enough complaint, but Boss McGrumpypants just oozes jerk, so you know he's going to turn out to be in cahoots with the villain.

Said villain is the long-suffering Rodrigo Obregon, back to get ignominiously killed once more.  Tired of the interference of these agents, he gets his "man on the inside" to put them on suspension.  While they're off on a camping trip (and incidentally stumbling across that lost Civil War gold), he hires assassin Jewell Panther (Julie Strain, again playing a villain with a silly name) to help him kill them off.

He manages to fail in this task, which is quite an accomplishment when you consider that he has the agents helpless and at gunpoint for a good ten minutes at one point.  But competence has never exactly been a strong point of Sidaris villains.

If this was the first film from this boxed set that you saw, you might find it amusingly tacky nonsense.  And honestly, it is.  It's just not as amusingly tacky as some of the others.

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