Friday, 6 February 2015
Fit to Kill (1993)
Julie Strain makes her first appearance in an Andy Sidaris film with this movie. She'll be in all the rest; first as a bunch of villains with goofy names (in this one, she is "Blu Steel"), then as a hero.
You know the drill by now with these films: there's a cheestastically dumb "secret agent" plot and a whole lot of naked ladies. Sidaris had a formula, and he stuck to it. The usual menagerie - sorry, I mean "cast" - turn up (plus Strain), and deliver their dreadful lines with their usual poor to middling ability.
Actually, I'm being a teensy bit unfair, there. Dona Speir, now on her 7th appearance in a lead role, has actually improved. She's not good, you understand, but she is definitely better than she was in earlier films: you can actually tell what emotion she's trying to convey in most scenes. So of course, this is her last appearance in a Sidaris film. Well at least she won't be showing everyone else up, I guess.
The plot has a Chinese businessman named Chang wanting to return a diamond to the Russian authorities. It seems the jewel was stolen by a Nazi general during the siege of Leningrad (an excuse for Sidaris to throw in some WW2 stock footage). Chang met the Nazi officer years later, was given the diamond when the other man died, and now wants to return it to the original owners. The agents are brought in to protect the diamond until it can be handed over.
Of course, their perennial enemy Kane (Roger Moore's son again) wants to get his hands on the jewel. Not just because of how valuable it is, but because the dead Nazi officer was his father.
Remember that Kane is a character who was played by Pat Morita originally, and boggle at that idea.
Anyway, there are more plots going on than might be expected, and lots of shenanigans, happenstance, and general goofiness. "Wacky" assassins "Wiley" and "Coyote" are back again, this time calling themselves "Evel" and "Knieval", and the climax of the movie? Involves a dogfight between two model helicopters armed with real weapons. Because of course it does.
For me, this is probably in the top five of Sidaris's films. It's not Hard Ticket to Hawaii, but it's gonzo and zany enough that I had fun. Will you? Well honestly, you need to be a fan of terrible movies to really appreciate nonsense like this, so don't bother with it unless you have a taste for schlock.