Friday, 26 June 2015

Pinata: Survival Island (2002)

Oh my.

I think I may have found the Best Worst Movie since House of the Dead.  I mean, when ten minutes into the film you're thinking "I'm going to enjoy seeing these people horribly murdered", then the script is either very very wrong, or very very right.  And to be honest, even after watching the whole thing, I'm not sure which it is.

I mean, is this film deliberately playing up the whole "oversexed, obnoxious teenagers" trope of horror movies?  I mean, it is a film about a killer piñata.  That's not something that screams "deadly serious".  Though it sure is deadly (ha!).

On the other hand, the movie plays its ridiculous premise straight.

On the third hand, maybe that's the true mad genius of its satire?  If so, that would make it a much smarter movie than Cabin in the Woods.  And I kind of want that to be true.

The film begins with an interminable prologue about a small isolated tribe who suffered a terrible series of hardships until their shaman trapped all their sins in a grotesque piñata.  As you do.  Feel free to skip this tedious section of the film, should you ever watch it: they're going to recap this backstory as dialogue around the halfway point.

Cut to modern times and the world's most obnoxious group of college students have arrived on a small island to ... well, to have a scavenger hunt for underwear.  Whichever team brings back the most unmentionables will win a cash prize for their fraternities/sororities and for the charity of their choice.  Oh, and there are also piñatas stocked with booze on the island too, in case they get thirsty.

If you're thinking that someone is going to stumble across the wrong piñata, then congratulations - you have at least two functioning brain cells.

Thankfully the monster comes into play pretty early in the film and gets a-murderin', which thins out the cast of cretins quite nicely.  One thing I do genuinely and unironically like about the film is that the creature becomes steadily more demonic with each kill, until it's this flying worm-bull CGI thing.  I mean sure, it's terrible CGI, but the concept of the monster evolving is quite a nice one.

Anyway, soon enough the cast is down to the obvious survivor candidates and a couple of stragglers, and the film moves toward what we might generously call its climax.

I found this charmingly awful.  You will certainly find it to be one of those two things.

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