Friday, 10 April 2015
Murder Weapon (1989)
It takes real talent to make a movie about topless women this boring.
Now it's probably not actually supposed to be about topless women. There are lots of murders for instance, and several scenes of the two women getting psychological counselling at some kind of "hospital". I put that last word in quotes because those scenes mention the location in the dialogue, but have no actual sets: just a white or black backdrop and a desk between the two actors - which is another word that should probably have quotes around it. But what any of these scenes are for or mean or indeed why people are being killed is never coherently explained. Nor is why we should care.
I mean, sure, people being real-life murdered is something we should care about, but this is a movie not real life and you have to work a little to get the audience to give a hoot. Especially when the victims are a bunch of douchey dudebros like these guys.
The script is a mess of flashbacks and dream sequences, to the point where it makes Highlander look well-structured, so I'm not going to attempt any kind of detailed synopsis, but a brief precis goes like this: two sisters are released from a psychiatric institution of some kind. Why were they in the institution? Possibly as a result of the murder in the opening ten minutes. But who knows for sure. This movie is not big on explaining things. Things like why the sisters decide to celebrate their release by inviting all their ex-boyfriends over for a party. No-one else, you understand. Just their respective exes. I'm sure that won't be uncomfortable at all. Fortunately the discomfort will be temporary as someone starts murdering them. Why - or in some cases, even how - is again not something the script concerns itself with.
This is a dreadful film. And in this particular case not only it is dreadful but it appears to be a really lousy transfer from some other form of media: there's what looks like tracking problems with the image at one point, and then a five or ten second section of the film where there's just a blue screen and the text "SIDE A --> SIDE B".
Awful. Oh three movie pack, at least we'll always have Nightmare Sisters.