Friday, 16 January 2015

Guns (1990)

The short description of Andy Sidaris's fifth film is "more of the same".  We've got the usual group of scantily or unclad female agents, their usual beefcakey boyfriends, and the usual criminal with a barely coherent plan and barely competent minions.  On the other hand, this is also the first of two Sidaris films to feature Erik Estrada.  And adding 'Ponch' to just about anything is gonna make it better, right?

Answer: no, but you will get to see him engage in the most awkward sex scene this side of ... well to be truthful, this side of the other sex scene in the film.  But at least that scene has the excuse of taking place on the back of a motorcycle.

Estrada plays "Jack of Diamonds", a supposedly dead criminal who murdered lead agent Dona Hamilton's father a decade earlier.  Jack's looking to re-establish a gun-smuggling racket to his (unidentified) South American homeland, and for some reason his plan to do this begins with murdering Dona's new partner.

The attack gets the wrong woman, however, due to the fact that Jack isn't much more competent than his minions.  Thus begins a frankly rather random sequence of events that allow Sidaris to fill the film with his three great loves: model vehicles, hotted up full-size vehicles, and naked bosoms.  This all ends with the inevitable badly staged gunfight, where grossly excessive force wins the day for the good guys, as usual.

We do, en route to said excessive force, get a deliciously awful ninja attack sequence at a gymnasium.  There is alas no Gymkata in the scene, but one can't have everything.

Yes, Gymkata will get a review here someday

At the end of the day, this is an Andy Sidaris film that is not Hard Ticket to Hawaii, and unless truly trashy cinema is a passion of yours, you can skip it.

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