The Last Witch Hunter (2015)

 

Eight hundred years ago, the evil Witch Queen unleashed the Black Plague to wipe out humanity. A band of knights, including a man named Kaulder, stormed her lair and defeated her. But before dying, the Witch Queen cursed Kaulder with eternal life.

In the present day, a secret truce exists between humans and witches.  Witches who break the terms of that truce are hunted down and either killed or - if taken alive - interned in a magical prison.  Kaulder, still alive due to the Witch Queen's curse, is the primary hunter responsible for bringing these witches to justice.

Kaulder is aided in his task by a priest called "Dolan", a ceremonial name that has been passed down through the generations.  When the 36th Dolan is murdered by a witch, Kaulder and the newly appointed 37th Dolan set out to find the culprit.

But there are schemes within schemes here, and the mastermind behind this crime is one that Kaulder could not have anticipated, and whom he may not be able to defeat ...

Outside of a side-line in voice acting, Vin Diesel has largely anchored his cinematic career on big, spectacular action films that prioritise epic stunt sequences over any real narrative strength.  He's enjoyed some considerable success with this model; the Fast and Furious franchise has ultimately become one of the most successful in the world; but he's also had plenty of films that I'd consider misfires, such as the lacklustre Babylon A.D. or the self-indulgent, self-aggrandising mediocrity of The Chronicles of Riddick. 

This film very much joins the latter list.  Diesel seems to be simply going through the gravelly-voiced motions here, showing a baffling lack of interest Kaulder, despite the fact that the witch hunter was apparently based on one of his very own Dungeons & Dragons characters.

Perhaps Diesel couldn't be bothered to commit too much because he's read the script.  It's not a good one, lacking an interesting antagonist, or indeed much of anything but a tenuous collection of set pieces.  Characters shuffle in and out of the narrative with little rhyme or reason, committing betrayals and revealing new abilities with an almost metronymic regularity. "Oh, it's been ten minutes since someone betrayed Kaulder, better have somebody do that now, then, regardless of whether it makes any sense".  The result is dour and grim and honestly, just not very fun.

Perhaps the biggest crime of the film, though, is the way it wastes its supporting cast.  It has both Michael Caine and Elijah Wood on hand, and it does pretty much nothing interesting with either of their characters.  I can accept that Caine was in his 80s and might have had limits to what he was capable of offering, but Wood's a fine actor in the prime of his career.  The 37th Dolan could have been a really interesting new entry in that career, providing him a chance to do something different and show his abilities in a new light ... but instead the film squanders him in anemic fashion.  Very disappointing.

The Last Witch Hunter is empty spectacle without heart or joy.