Wednesday, 15 July 2015

3 Musketeers (2011)

I've set the image above to display larger than normal, because I want you to be able to view it clearly.  Why?  Because none of the people in the DVD cover image actually appear in the movie.  Nor does the building in the background, or any of those outfits.

There are in fact, no period costumes of any kind worn in the movie, because this film is set in the modern day.  Period costumes and timeframe-appropriate locations are difficult and expensive.  This movie is not much interested in difficult and it is most assuredly not interested in expensive.  It is, after all, an Asylum Production.

That's right folks, I have once more been suckered into picking up an Asylum mockbuster, because the pitch ("The Three Musketeers re-imagined as a modern espionage thriller") sounded cool, and the DVD was cheap, and I didn't think to check who the production company was.

And yet, despite the film's flaws - and trust me, it's got plenty of them - I kind of don't regret seeing it.  I mean, it's not good on any level, but I feel this weird affection for any movie that asks questions like "Do you think anyone will notice if we use exactly the same cockpit for scenes on three completely different aircraft?"  (the answer is Yes, for the record).

The Musketeers are an elite special forces unit for the US; or at least they are until their handler, "The Cardinal" sets them up as the patsies in a scheme to start a war with North Korea.

Meanwhile, an ambitious young agent named d'Artagnan stumbles across the Cardinal's conspiracy from another direction.  She soon finds herself framed in the same way the Musketeers were, and so she reaches out to them for aid.

Can the awesome foursome battle their way through the host of CGI explosions (real ones are expensive) that await them, in order to thwart the Cardinal's plan?  Will the film come up with a contrived excuse to work in a fencing duel?  Will it feature many 'action' sequences that consist mainly of the actors firing guns at enemies who are not actually on screen?  The answer to all these questions is "well, duh".

So is there anything to like about the film?  Well, some of the stunt work is decent, the cast is mostly tolerable - a step above the average for an Asylum movie at least - and you get to play "hey, remember when that person had a career?" with a few of them.  Plus, you know, there's something endearing about how much its ambition outstrips its budget and capabilities.

I still wouldn't recommend you watch the film, of course, especially when you can get such a great feel for the movie from its trailer:

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