Prisoners of the Lost Universe (1983)

My name is Adam, and I have been a Hawk the Slayer fan since I was 7 years old.

I mention this because Prisoners of the Lost Universe is written and directed by Terry Marcel, who gave the world the awesomely naff Hawk, and I am therefore pretty much incapable of being objective about the movie.  But for the next paragraph, I'm going to try.

This is not a good film.  The script's hokey, the acting's poor, the costumes and "effects" are dreadful, and the characters are a lot less likable than Marcel probably intended.  Unless you're a tragic Hawk fan like me, you should steer clear.  And that's why it got a "Not Recommended".

Phew.  Made it.  Now for the rest of the review.

OH MY GOD GUYS IT'S ALMOST LIKE HAWK 2 ACTUALLY HAPPENED.

The premise is admittedly a little different, at least at first.  Through a hysterically contrived set of circumstances, a TV presenter, the scientist she is interviewing, and some random guy she nearly had a traffic accident with earlier in the day end up being transported to an alternate reality.  In case that contrivance wasn't enough, the random guy is also a kendo master.

Anyway, time passes more swiftly in the alternate realm, so the TV presenter, who is the last to come through, finds herself alone when she does so.  She does eventually meet up with Random Guy, though. No, I don't remember his character's name.  Let's just call him Apollo, because he's played by Richard Hatch of Battlestar Galactica "fame".

And this is when the distraction of the original premise is jettisoned and we can get down to being "totally not Hawk the Slayer 2, honest".  Because there's a murderously evil overlord who pretends that he's a reasonable man.  And he and Apollo want the same woman.  So Apollo assembles a crack team to aid him in his struggle against the guy.  That team?  A giant, an elf and a dwarf.  Just like Hawk.  I mean sure, they call the elf a 'greenman', but if it walks like an elf and talks like an elf ...

Just in case the parallels weren't obvious enough, there's also the fact that the dwarf in this film is played by the same guy who was the dwarf in Hawk the Slayer.  And there are plenty more eerily familiar plot beats, too.

Sadly however, the music is much less cheesetastic than Hawk's.

So yeah: I had a blast watching this.