Ninja Assassin (2009)

 

Europol agent Mika Coretti has been investigating money-linked political murders. Over time, she comes to believe that the murders are all committed by a secret clan of highly-trained ninja: the Ozunu.

Mika's superiors are understandably sceptical of this theory.  How could such an organisation remain undiscovered for so long?  A good question, but this is of course a movie - and a very silly movie, at that - so Mika's theory is right on the money.

The young Europol agent soon finds herself top of the Ozunu Clan's list of assassination targets.  Fortunately for her, however, one member of the clan has become disgusted with their cruelty, and turned against them.  This young man, Raizo, rescues Mika from the Ozunu's first attack.  The two begin to work together against the ninja clan.  But who can they trust to aid them in their struggle?  Someone at Europol must have tipped off the Ozunu ...

I've already alluded to the fact that this is a very silly movie, but it really bears repeating.  This is a very silly movie.  Very, very silly.  Now, I don't on principle have an issue with that. Zipang! is a gloriously over the top bit of supernatural ninja action nonsense, and I've thoroughly enjoyed it every time I've watched it.  But Zipang! is a light-hearted film.  Meanwhile, every ridiculous moment of Ninja Assassin - and it has a lot - is presented without any sense of awareness of its inherent goofiness.  And also without any sense that events in the film should at least be internally consistent and coherent.

For instance. for the first eighty-odd minutes of the film, the Ozunu ninjas just wreck everyone they come across - except Raizo, of course, but he is himself an Ozunu ninja.  And then we get to the grand finale and the bad guys need to lose, so suddenly all you have to do is beat them is turn on the lights.  Ninjas rely on stealth and darkness to make their kills?  Sure, seems legit.  Ninjas suddenly forget even the most basic combat skills if you fire a few flares?  Not as plausible.

The "ninjas need darkness" thing is also seems to me to be a dodge that the film uses to cheap out on fight choreography.  It relies a lot on "everything goes dark and there's lots of people firing randomly and screaming".  This is not as exciting as the film seems to suppose, frankly.

Overly serious and under-exciting, Ninja Assassin didn't hit the mark for me.