Bridgerton, Season 1 (2020)

Daphne Bridgerton finds her first season on the ton, and her hopes for a genial marriage, quickly ruined by the overly intrusive interventions of her elder brother.

Simon Bassett, Duke of Hastings, who has sworn never to marry or have children, finds himself hounded by the mother of every eligible young woman in London.

Together, they hatch a plan that seems to meet both their interests: pretend they are courting.  Daphne's apparent pursuit by a Duke will raise her stocks and bring back the suitors who were previously frightened off by her brother, while Simon will have protection from the vulturous attentions of the society mothers.

It's genius, and the only way it could possibly go wrong would be if they were to do something silly like fall in love.

Yep, of course they do.

"Fake romance turned real" is a pretty common storyline in romance fiction - enough that it's more or less a mini-genre of its own, like "enemies to lovers" and "second chance romance".  And make no mistake, Bridgerton is a romance show, based on a series of romance novels that each feature a different Bridgerton sibling (there are eight in all) finding their one true love.  It's a well produced program, cleverly layering in and embellishing various subplots from across the multiple novels so that later seasons (the second has already been confirmed) won't feel too jarring when they shift their focus to a different couple.

On the whole, this is well done romantic froth.  I do need to provide content warnings for sexual assault and abusive parenting, though, as the show (and the book on which this season is based) contains both.

Mercenaries (2014)

When the US President's daughter is kidnapped by a central Asian warlord, the CIA assembles a team of four female convicts to get her back, promising the quartet their freedom if they succeed.  The justification for using such an unorthodox approach is somewhat improbable and definitely badly acted, and in truth comes down to "we can't knock-off The Expendables if the team isn't expendable".

In any case, after being stiltedly issued their instructions by Cynthia Rothrock (who is no better an actor now than she was in her 80s heyday), the team - a special forces veteran, a sniper, a demolitions expert and a former CIA operative turned assassin - head off engage in unconvincingly staged and badly acted action hi-jinks.  More or less what you'd expect from an Asylum production, which this is.  Overall, it's actually one of the better offerings from the home of low effort, but that's a very low bar to clear and should in no way be taken as meaning that it is actually good.  It's not: the acting is frequently wooden, the plot is nonsense, and the action sequences mainly consist of people firing at other people who are off screen (though at least, unlike some Asylum films, the budget did actually stretch to showing the people who are getting shot at).

Jurassic World: Camp Cretaceous, Season 2 (2021)

Trapped on Isla Nublar after the events of Jurassic World (and, of course, of their own first season), the kids of Camp Cretaceous must now try to survive on the dinosaur-infested island long enough for help to reach them.  At least the Indominus Rex is dead now, so they only have to deal with regular dinos.  I mean, what are the chances there's another genetically engineered monstrosity hidden on the island?

Spoiler: there is another genetically engineered monstrosity hidden on the island.  Though this season is rather more about setting up the existence of that monstrosity than actually facing it.  I think I can guess what season three will be about, though!

For this series then, the kids will need to deal with more mundane dinos, as well as some newcomers to the island who may or may not be allies.

Overall, I think this sophomore series of Camp Cretaceous is not quite as good as the first.  The animation occasionally looks a bit awkward, especially in action sequences, and there's very much an air of 'putting things in place for next season' about the plotline.  Nonetheless it remains a fun, PG-level dinosaur-themed adventure: certainly better fare than the films themselves.

Super (2010)

Frank Darbo has only two good memories in his life: the day he married his wife, and the day he helped a police officer catch a purse snatcher (by telling the cop which way the crook went).

When his wife leaves him for the local drug kingpin, Frank hears the voice of God telling him to become a hero and punish wrong-doers.  Soon he's running around in a bright-red jumpsuit, smacking people with a pipe-wrench, and calling himself 'The Crimson Bolt'.

This new calling doesn't win him instant acclaim, however, since from the outside he just looks like a violent lunatic who is randomly assaulting people (which given that he cracks someone's skull for cutting in line at the movie theatre, may not be entirely untrue).

Will Frank's crusade win back his wife or see him sent to the big house (or the nut house)?  Honestly, you may find yourself not caring over-much, since he's not especially likeable and the sidekick he picks up is a flat-out sociopath.

Super may appeal to some audiences, and I did get a few chuckles at times, but overall I found it a fairly uncomfortable film to watch, with no-one who I really wanted to root for.

Fate: Winx Saga, Season 1 (2020)

 
Bloom has always felt awkward and alienated, even more-so than for a typical teenager.  When a furious argument with her mother leads to Bloom psychically igniting their home, and Bloom discovers she is a fire fairy, secretly dumped on unsuspecting human parents whose own daughter had died, it becomes clear that there were good reasons for that sense of disconnection from her life and peers.

The Fairy authorities enrol Bloom in Alfea College, where she can learn to control her powers and not accidentally burn things down any more (her human parents think she won a scholarship in Switzerland).

Adjusting to Fairy life is not entirely easy for Bloom.  Not all the other students are welcoming, the school authorities seem very evasive about the subject of Bloom's real parentage, and there are murderous 'Burned Ones' in the woods that surround the campus.  On the other hand, some of the other students are welcoming, including this one cute boy ...

Much like Riverdale is a sexified version of the wholesome Archie comics, Fate: Winx Saga is a grittier, naughty words and violence re-envisioning of early 2000s cartoon Winx Club, with secrets and conspiracies and murders, oh my. 

The original Winx Club.  Apparently big-heeled sandals were a thing in the mid-noughties

If you're looking for a brief and fast-moving urban fantasy fix, Fate: Winx Saga may provide the sudsy supernatural shenanigans you're seeking.

Enola Holmes (2020)

When her mother suddenly vanishes from the isolated country home they share, 16-year old Enola Holmes expects the assistance of her older brothers Mycroft and Sherlock in resolving the mystery.

She does not get it, so Enola sets out to find her mother herself.  Along the way, she will find herself leaping from a train with a runaway Viscount, brawling with an assassin in a bowler hat, and trying to untangle not just one, but two different conspiracies, all while dodging her disapproving older brothers.

Enola Holmes has a fine cast, ably anchored by Millie Bobby Brown (of Stranger Things fame), and for much of its slightly overlong 123 minutes, it is a fun romp as the feisty Enola dons disguises and solves puzzles and frequently breaks the fourth wall to address the audience.

As mentioned above, however, the film is slightly overlong, including what feels like a particularly unnecessary sequence involving a Finishing School that saps both the film's momentum and Enola's agency as the protagonist.

These are fairly minor criticisms though, and I think overall that if you are looking for a family friendly adventure story then Enola Holmes makes a strong case.

True Blood, Season 4 (2011)

True Blood is back for a fourth year of Southern Supernatural and Sexual Shenanigans.  The writers immediately engineer an off-screen time-jump of roughly a year, which allows them to significantly shuffle the cast deck chairs and create a bunch of new dynamics, especially of the bedroom variety.  There's so much of that going on in fact that the season's inevitable Looming Supernatural Threat sometimes feels like it's the B-plot to the latest iteration of romantic relationship bingo.  I mean, there's a reason the DVD cover is all about Sookie and her three paramours, with nary a witch to be seen.

Yep, witches will be out antagonists this year, along with a little vampire-on-vampire action because True Blood vamps are really not good at getting along nicely with each other.  'Woman with magic powers leads coven' could easily have felt like a big re-tread of season two's 'woman with magic powers leads cult', and I will give credit to the show for working hard to make this season's main antagonist very different from season two's Maryann.  They did not, unfortunately, manage to make her especially interesting or memorable.  But she is different.  And her presence does lead to silliness like vampires with rocket launchers, so it's certainly not all bad.

True Blood is unashamedly melodramatic, over the top sex and violence and vampires.  By season 4, I expect you already know whether or not that is your thing.

Beauty and the Beast (1991)

 

A selfish, prideful prince scorns to aid a beggar woman by providing shelter from a storm.  Unfortunately for him, she is an enchantress in disguise, and curses him to be as ugly on the outside as he is within: the Beast is born.

Some years later, a young woman named Belle dreams of a more exciting life than that of her small, provincial village.  Preferably one far away from Gaston, a narcissistic bully who has set his sights on making her his wife.  She gets far more adventure than she bargained for when her father accidentally stumbles upon the Beast's castle and is thrown in the castle jail.  In order to secure her father's release, Belle agrees to become a prisoner in his stead.

Will the beautiful, idealistic young women soothe the savage Beast?  Well, of course she will.  I very much doubt this is a surprise.  The destination is not the point here, the journey is, and it's a great one from a golden era of Disney animation.  Lovely traditional animation (with some CGI backgrounds), great songs, and a snappy pace.  Definitely a far better film than the bloated and underwhelming (albeit massively successful) 2017 live-action remake.

This version of Beauty and the Beast is an excellently crafted film from top to bottom.  The only reason not to watch and thoroughly enjoy it is if you have a fundamental objection to animated films.  Which given how many excellent animated films there are, would be your loss, really.

Star Blazers, Season 3 (1984)

As a battles rages between two factions outside of Earth's solar system, an errant missile somehow flies across the inestimable gap between the stars and plunges into our sun.  It seems implausible that a missile designed for ship-to-ship combat would have interstellar flight capability, but logic is not often found in this third season of Star Blazers.

The missile triggers a chain reaction in our sun which will destroy the Earth in 300-and-something days, much as the threats in seasons one and two were going to do.  So of course that means it is time for the Argo to once again head off into space on a time-critical mission: in this case, to find a new home for humanity.  In a startling piece of plot incoherency, the Argo's captain is told both that his mission is a military secret because the government of Earth refuses to admit the danger, and that the government is building a massive fleet of escape ships, but that this will be useless without a planet to flee too.  I'm not sure that governments are generally in the habit of spending bajillions of dollars to try and fix a problem that they say doesn't exist, show.

Anyway, off the Argo heads, promptly running into the middle of the interstellar war that started this whole thing.  They'll need to navigate not just physical space in their search for a new home, but also a turbulent political situation where they cannot be sure who their best allies would be.  Which is a sentence that makes this show sound a lot more entertaining than it actually turns out to be.  Because this is not good, guys.  Not good at all.  I know Star Blazers is fondly remembered by aged geeks because it was one of the first cartoons to actually have an ongoing story that followed on from week to week, but this is a sloppy rehash of a plotline the show has already done twice, right down to having yet another mysterious long-haired space queen with a deus ex machina in her pocket.

You can safely skip this unless you are a Star Blazers tragic.