Prisoner of Zenda (1988)

One thing that can be said in favour of this animated Australian film is that it does not outstay its welcome, clocking in at a mere 48 minutes.

That's pretty faint praise of course, but it's really all the film deserves. The animation is basic, the voice acting mediocre, and the script both weak and contrived. I mean, it's clearly aimed at a young audience, with its exaggerated character designs, slapstick humour, and black and white morality. But seriously, this came out the year before Disney's The Little Mermaid, which had gorgeous animation, actually funny humour, and ... well okay it had black and white morality as well. But it had a giant octopus monster getting impaled on a sailing ship, and a singing crab. So you have to give it points for that.

Where was I? Oh yes. This is an adaptation of the 1894 novel of the same name, though far from a faithful one. It shares the same basic premise (an Englishman happens to be the spitting image of the crown prince of a small European state, and must impersonate his royal doppelganger in order to thwart the prince's brother), but all the details are changed. The crown prince is given agency in this film, as well as a brain and a fiancee who loves him. The villainous prince has a wife rather than a mistress. She's virtuous and pure rather than a Milady De Winter type, and the film pairs her with our Englishman, rather than following the book's doomed romance (the impersonator and the crown prince's wife fall for each other, but their duty keeps them apart).

Amusingly, I did discover that there was a sequel to the novel, in which it emerges that the crown prince was a bad king and husband, making the victory of the Englishman in the first novel rather pyrrhic, really.

As for this film? Go watch Dave, instead. It's schmalzy nonsense, but it has a good cast and is honestly in some ways a closer match to the original story.

Seeing Double (2003)

One of my dark secrets is that I own S Club's first album on CD. What can I say? I (still) like the infectious bubblegum pop that is 'Bring It All Back'.

That particular song was the launch of the band's career, while this movie was their last project before they announced they were breaking up. It's a breezy, silly affair in which a mad scientist decides to take over the world by cloning celebrities and replacing the originals.  He then intends to use his replacements to influence popular opinions and trends, because 'unlike politicians, people actually listen to celebrities'. Really, the least plausible part of this is that he chose to start with S Club, of all people.

Anyway, when their overbearing manager disappears, the band initially takes this as an opportunity to lollygag about and enjoy themselves. It's only when they see TV footage of themselves in a live performance that they realise they've been replaced. "By look-a-likes. Or robots. Or popbots.". They swing somewhat ineffectually into action and get themselves arrested. Fortunately, they're able to stage a dance-based prison breakout. It's that sort of movie.

There are shenanigans, musical numbers (sometimes without even a passing nod to the plot), shenanigans, G-rated shower scenes, shenanigans, mildly smutty humour, shenanigans, and a stack of jokes ranging from groan-inducing to genuine belly laughs.

Oh, and there are also shenanigans.

So yeah: silly, silly movie. But it makes no pretence to be anything else and doesn't outstay its welcome. I enjoyed it. If you're looking for the lightest of light entertainment, you could do worse. And I have.

Going Steady (1979)

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Woochi: Goblin Wizard (2009)

If you were to bet yourself $1 that I bought this Korean film solely due to the title, yourself would owe you a buck. So you would profit. And so did I, because this was a really fun little romp. I consider myself fortunate that I did not encounter the DVD under one of the other versions of the title, such as Jean Woo-Chi: Taoist Wizard, as I might not have bought it.

Our story begins when the Archgod sets out to imprison all the goblins with the aid of his magic flute. Said "goblins" appear as animal-headed humanoids with superhuman strength and speed. They're bad news, especially the bunny-headed one. And no, I'm not making up the bunny-headed one. It's kind of adorably malevolent, and was my first clue that this was going to be a fun ride.

The attempt to imprison the goblins fails, due to the incompetence of some lesser, servitor gods. The magic flute is lost, and the archgod vanishes, overcome by the goblin's evil. Sometime later, the servitor gods are seeking wizards who can help them imprison the goblins, one by one, while also hoping to find the flute and keep it out of goblin hands. The apprentice of one of the wizards they meet is Woochi. Woochi is young, brash and very much in love with using his powers for his own entertainment and aggrandizement. If you immediately suspect that a theme of the film will be his need to learn that there are better uses for his powers, well, you've clearly seen at least one movie before.

Anyway, for various reasons the movie has a jump from its 500-years-ago timeframe to the modern day, which is when the action really picks up (not that the movie was exactly dragging before that). Woochi must battle goblins, learn important lessons, save the day, and win the girl. Standard adventure fare, really. Fortunately it's very well executed, with good action sequences (both wuxia martial arts and magical duels), and some actually amusing comedic bits. The very, very end of the film feels like a bit of an unnecessary epilogue, though I like that it shows that Woochi, whatever lessons he's learned, is still a bit of a larrikin.

This was fun, and if you don't mind a two hour film with subtitles, and enjoy light-hearted antics, you should check it out.

Delgo (2008)

After seven years and $40 million in development, Delgo averaged two viewers per session in its opening weekend.

So not so good.

It would go on to recoup less than 2% of its costs, becoming one of the biggest flops of 2008. There are probably three keys reasons for this. First is the animation, which is simply not up to scratch. To be honest, it wouldn't even have been up to scratch in the year development commenced, let alone in the same year as WALL-E hit the screens. Second is the script, which is not terribly good. The basic plot's alright I guess ... not innovative in any way, you understand, but not awful. The details very much let it down, however. The 'funny' parts never even raise a smile, while the 'exciting' parts aren't. In the latter case, that's partially due to the animation, which is too stiff and ungainly to convincingly depict a fight scene.

The third reason the film failed isn't really anything to do with how good it is, but the fact that it was made outside the studio system, and had a small marketing budget. Films made on that basis can be successful, but it's rare, especially on the back of such a large budget.

So, plot: there's an evil wannabe Queen and she tries to engineer a war between the two 'good' races so that she and her totally-not-orcs can swoop in and take over. Brash orphan from good race #1 and tender-hearted princess from good race #2 have to stop her.

I did say it wasn't innovative.

It's really not hard to see why this one sank at the box office. You can safely skip it.

First Men in the Moon (1964)

I've seen this film a couple of times before, but not for a while. I picked it up on DVD mostly just due to the fact that Ray Harryhausen worked on the effects.

The film begins with a UN mission landing on the moon (the actual moon landing would not occur for another five years after the film was made). Upon arrival, they discover a Union Jack flag and a scrap of paper claiming the moon in the name of Queen Victoria. The reverse side of the paper gives them a clue which they follow to a nursing home in rural England. The elderly man there tells them of the strange voyage he undertook 60-some years before. Frankly, this is a terrible framing device. It has the nice sting of 'oh wow someone was here before!' yes, but it sacrifices any sort of tension as to the fate of two of the main characters of the resulting film. A few seconds of impact to rob the whole film of drama is a bad call.

The old man's tale begins and one thing I hadn't remembered about the film was what a jerk the young version of him was. He lies to his fiancee about his financial situation, then lies to her again so she will put her name on a contract to sell a house he doesn't even own. Nice guy.

The man he's selling someone else's property to is an inventor, and our narrator wants in on the invention in question: a substance that is immune to gravity. The inventor, Dr Cavor, plans to use this to go to the moon. Our narrator intends to go along and somehow make it rich from the journey. By contrived circumstances, his fiancee is also brought along. After some mishaps, they reach the lunar body ... and discover it is already occupied!

There is one set of decent creature effects in the film where Harryhausen's stop motion really gets a chance to shine, but most of the rest of it is guys in suits, and much less fun. There's also rather a lot of talking. Even the climax of the film is basically narrated for us.

All in all, a disappointment.

The Nameless (1999)

This movie is a good example of why I try to watch foreign language films in their original tongue, with subtitles. Because the DVD I have only comes with the dubbed version, and good lord it is awful. It's all flat, uninteresting and largely indistinguishable voices, uttering their lines without any sign of engagement or awareness of what's occurring on screen.

The film begins with with two cops discussing a terrible crime, in the kind of tones in which you would comment on the weather. Actually, that's not true. People sometimes care about the weather.

Anyway, the victim of the crime is a young girl. Her teeth, fingers and other identifying marks have been destroyed. However, a bracelet found near the body, and the fact that she has one leg shorter than the other, seem to identify her. Because the cops in this movie are stupid as well as disinterested. They call the supposed parents of the supposed child, who identify the bracelet as belonging to their child. Case closed!

Five years later, the mother of the 'dead' girl gets a call from her supposedly deceased child. You're shocked, I'm sure. This leads her to begin a long and convoluted investigation, though quite why it's so long I'm not sure, because someone keeps hand feeding her clues. Not that there is anything suspicious or weird about that. No way.

Finally after a lot of dreadfully delivered conversation, the movie limps to an end. It made no sense, but I frankly didn't care by then.

This film won several awards on release, so I can only assume that it's more engaging in the original Spanish. At least the actors probably sound awake in that version.